Medea's story is all too familiar. Few betrayed spouses murder their children to hurt their betrayer, but many certainly aim to inflict pain, and these efforts often have heavy collateral damages. Even when self-restraint prevents the enactment of anger's wishes, ill-will seethes within, just hoping for some bad outcome for the wrongdoer and his new family. And so often that ill-will sneaks out after all, in litigation, in subtle deflection of children's affections, or maybe only in an unwillingness to trust men again, which Medea aptly expresses through her fantasy of restored virginity.

But she's supposed to be right, and culturally she is usually believed to be so, so long as she does not go quite to the extreme point of child-murder. People, and women especially, should stand up for themselves and their diminished status. They should not let themselves be pushed around this way. They owe it to their self-respect to be tough and uncompromising. Maybe, just maybe, if the wrongdoer grovels enough and apologizes with sufficient profuseness and self-abasement, some restoration might possibly be imagined - or not. And if not, the ritual of apology and abasement can become its own reward.

Indeed, I used to be sympathetic to this view. But no longer. Let me explain why.

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